I got back my results for the sem that just passed today. I think this is probably the first semester that I didn’t wake up before my sms came in. This is also the first semester that my dearest is getting his results. My last and his first haha.
I woke up and saw my sms and I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. Just the night before, the dearest told me he had a good feeling I’ll be getting an A and an A-. Well, it came true. My CAP was the other thing that was quite amazing.
My studies is something that I’ve always say I leave entirely in God’s hands. I can’t say the same for other aspects of my life, but my studies is something I felt was important enough, but can be risked to try this whole “having faith in God” thing. It was also the only thing in my life then (I was 16) that outcomes could be measured objectively. My first venture was in secondary school, where I prayed and believed God for 9 (my favourite and jersey number then). I got it on the dot, after subtracting CCA points. I saw it as a coincidence and did it again for my A levels, which was on the dot again.
At university, I was rather convinced it was all God because of various reasons. In my first year, I prayed and wrote down this CAP , down to the second decimal, on a post it. I pinned it to my dorm board and prayed over it every now and then. People often gathered at my room and they would ask me what that number was. I always made up some story because I was embarrassed to say that I thought was deserving to aim for that CAP. It was a CAP well over first-class and I was… well, me.
My first semester ended rather disastrously. I thought I could do a million things on my own strength. I dissed God, quite literally, that semester. I dropped a mod, I was feeling drained and my CAP was more than 1 whole point off. I was discouraged because, not only did I do badly, my friends did so much better. Faith leaked, I threw that post-it away when I shifted out of my dorm and I was convinced I was too ambitious and cocky.
I regrouped, repented, prayed and decided to trust God all over again. I was more experienced this time too. The second semester onwards, my grades improved by leaps and bounds, but my first semester constantly pulled my CAP down beyond salvage.
By the third semester, I had well forgotten all about that post-it. Other things got my attention and I was working towards other things – exchange, internship, research. And then came CDP – a new program and I was invited to apply to be the first batch. I applied for it and got a second CAP (one bachelor’s and one masters) upon getting in.
A few weeks back, I heard a sermon on “one more time”. It was about how God had delivered the children of Israel by parting the red sea once. He performed the miracle again later in their journey by parting the Jordan river. I remember the preacher saying that sometimes the fulfilment of a promise will be delayed, but it’s not dead. It could be delayed for various reasons, but in the case of the children of Israel, God had let them take the longer route (40 years longer) because He knew that they weren’t strong enough for the shorter route yet. That a shortcut to their blessing will kill them if they haven’t learnt how to trust in God to overcome the obstacles that lay within the shortcut. I thought about this and remembered God had done a miracle for me before at A levels. I felt something telling me that God will do a miracle again for me before the year ended, just to show me He’s still in control of everything.
When I got my results, I stared at my second CAP because that’s the exact CAP I had written down 5 years ago when I was still a freshie. It’s a long route. It’s a long route and the promise had turned out better than I had expected. I didn’t see myself being part of CDP. If I had it my way, it’ll just be my bachelor’s cap being awesome and end of story. There was no masters in my plans, no internships in my plan and definitely, no boyfriend getting results same day as me in my plan. In my heart, as much as I would like to say I would remain faithful, I know getting that CAP in the first sem would make me proud and pull me away from God. Getting that CAP in my first sem would also mean not learning to trust God on that level that circumstances forced me to.
Another thing that I had learnt is that I’m where I ought to be. I often say that I’m the lowest life form in CDP. It’s true because the other two are better than me in terms of grades. I’m not bitter or salty, but I’ve often felt like I stumbled into CDP. Very much like how I’ve always felt like I’ve stumbled into JC and then Uni. I feel like I don’t really deserve my spot. It’s by sheer luck. But I felt like that CAP was also God’s way of telling me that it’s all part of the plan. That He had planned for me to be where I am all along and that I’m where I ought to be. That even if it isn’t the best CAP, it was for me. Planned for me. Funny thing to only understand on my last semester, but it’s good to know also.
I’m assured that God has been faithful to me and now to Jethro too. Working and studying masters at the same time is crazy and I’m always so amazed at how Jet does it. God knows how much we struggled during this semester. There were many times when we felt like giving up. There were many times when we dreaded the next day. But God came through for us every time. It’s through these tough times when we learn more about God and His heart for us. It’s coming out on the other side, against all odds, that we learn to trust in God. And so, Jet came out more than wonderful. Amazing results and a promotion at work to go along with it.
At the end of my first semester, I promised God that my degree was for Him. That whatever happens, it was for Him. I promised that my degree will be used for His glory and whatever He wanted me to do with it, I will. And so, it’s apt because I’m embarking on my next phase of life soon – work. That means it’s time to use my education and choose the job He wants me to do. I’m not sure what it is, but I will do my best to find out. The children of Israel had a song to remember God’s fulfilment of His promises to them, so here’s me penning all these down to remind me of the times God has been faithful to me for me to look back in the future when I’m a little more doubtful.