It feels kinda good to be honest, to lock my blog for the time being. I feel like I can blog more uninhibitedly.

I’m on the cusp of a new season in my life once again. So many things are so uncertain and here I am, having to learn to trust God in a whole new way. It’s exciting yet nerve-wrecking at the same time. Just when I thought I’ve mastered trusting God, life throws a curveball at me once again.

So many things have happened since I’ve been back from USA. Job offers, decisions, job interviews… well, that all surrounds job search and that alone is enough to drive me crazy. But I don’t think that’s something I want to blog about yet.

A week or so ago, I got my first “Pee, I need you to bail me out call”. We used to joke about this when we were younger and I never really thought it would happen one day. I knew most of my friends were crazy and mischievous, at the most, but I never thought any would actually commit a crime. What was most disappointing was that the call was from someone I felt was the most unlikely.

I went down to the station, but couldn’t bail him out. I made a few calls and finally, I called someone who had once been (and still kinda is) a sort of a mentor-figure to us. I missed call him twice and figured he had to be busy. He messaged me back and told me he was attending to something important. I knew it probably was serious because knowing him, he would rarely reject calls. He asked me what had happened and I told him and he got someone else to help me. He sounded so disappointed. After the whole incident, I went home and just felt this uncomfortable feeling that something bad had happened.

A few days later, I found out his wife, with just two more weeks to go, had a miscarriage during that period of time. I never thought I would ever sadness like that for something someone else is going through. It’s hard not to feel sad when they’re probably one of the most genuine people ever. They’re the kind of parents that you know will love their kid like crazy and be super fun parents. They were so excited. Just a few months ago, he was just joking with me that he has second thoughts about letting us play with his daughter. The most painful part is knowing that it was so close. Just a couple more weeks.

It’s times like these when you start questioning God and His plans and His goodness. But looking at them, holding on to God more firmly than before, I think it’s during these times when need to believe God’s goodness and His plans more than ever. You need to believe that it’ll all be alright in the end, even if you don’t see it now.


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