SBF

It’s been less than a month since I last blogged, but it feels like such a long time. So much have happened in between. Actually, so much have happened within the past week too. Time passes quite slowly when I’m working. There’s so much I want to log down, but so little time. I guess this blogpost, I’ll focus more on my relationship with Jet.

Jet and I decided to try for another balloting for a HDB. This time, if we get it, we’ll be able to move in straight away. This also means we’ll get married right away. Last year in November, we tried for a BTO flat in Bedok, but the number was huge. Now I think the huge number was sort of a blessing in disguise (more on that later).

Well, we’re trying for SBF kallang and our plan is to actually to keep trying to ballot a flat until we get one or until 2019, whichever comes first. This time feels different because this time I feel so much more at ease compared to previously. I feel so much more at peace balloting for this even though our chances are very small this time. I don’t know, it feels right. Maybe it’s because we walked around the entire night around the kallang neighbourhood (omg my legs died) or because this time it feels more concrete and tangible (the flats are built already).

So we have two applications running concurrently (the bedok one and the kallang one) and I hope the Bedok one doesn’t call us soon because if they call us and we reject, we’re considered 2nd timers with lesser chance. However, if the kallang one ballots before the bedok one calls us down to select a flat, we are still considered 1st timers. So I really am thankful the bedok number was huge enough and I’m hoping that they don’t call us to select the flat too soon! Whatever it is, I’m leaving this in God’s hands. I think He has good plans for us and I’ll just trust Him.

2 days ago, I proposed to Jet. Haha, I realize I haven’t recorded it on this blog about his proposal at Disneyland to me yet (I’ll do it soon). I have been planning this proposal wayyy long ago and wasn’t planning to do it so soon, but because I wanted to get him something, I had to bring it forward. Haha. He was surprised and touched hehe. I regret not recording it even though he asked me if I wanted to (when he realized it was a proposal). I decided that I wanted to just be in the moment and remember it for the rest of my life.

I think our relationship has progressed very quickly in a short span of time. I hesitate to use the word “progress” because I don’t really see it as such. Maybe I would say, our relationship has added layers. I think it’s the best feeling in the world to feel like you’re in this together with your favourite teammate. There’s a sense of safety. It’s exciting to be working together to build a future together, be it saving together for our future (we started a savings plan), or planning for our house or planning how many kids we want etc etc. It’s a great feeling when you use the word “we” instead of just “I”. some people might say, don’t get a savings plan together because what if you break-up/divorce. But isn’t that what love is? Taking chances, having your lives intertwined?

How do you tell someone you want them in your life forever when you don’t include them in the planning of your future?

Recently, I feel this tangible deeper understanding of each other and our relationship. I feel like I can just look at him and he’ll just know. I’m not sure what it is that makes me feel this way.

 

It’s also in the little things that make me confident in our relationship. The small things he does just to show me he loves me. Like trying to prepare a spoon that contains the perfect combination of noodles, soup, meat and then blowing it to make sure it isn’t too hot before he gives it to me to try whatever he’s having. It’s peeling prawns before I even ask him to or ordering all my favourite food even for himself so I can “pinch” some of his. It’s messaging me every morning and randomly telling me he loves me during the day.

 

It’s a nice feeling. Feeling safe in someone else’s arms, knowing there’s a future you both want and will work hard together for.

 

2.5 more months before the results are out and I really hope we get it. *cross fingers*

End of Uni part 1: Thank you 

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted and I’ve been busy with work and whatever remaining of school there is. This week, I finished marking my pl1101 papers, handed over my data to my prof, handed in my final essay and today I attended my last brown bag.

This is a new era I Guess, for me. Haha the end of half study half work. School related activities have officially ended. 

5 years. 5 years in nus. I wish I had taken a mandatory last exam shot or something haha. But this will have to do for now 

Psych or psycho?

We took this last last week when we stayed over in the grad room. It was my last week of part time work and I guess it was kind of my last time to do something stupid in school. It was also because the next day we were invited by the deans office for some luncheon so we decided to stay over. 

I enjoyed staying over with them in school and as we stood on the rooftop and stargazed, I felt this sudden “omg this is it.”. This is the end of my formal education. 17 years and this is the end. 

I feel privileged to be standing there that day. I’m privileged in many ways. I come from an upper-middle class family and that has helped me in my studies in many ways: I don’t need to worry about money, I can engage tutors if I ever feel the need to, i never had to work and study if I didn’t want to. I have the privilege to choose if I want to take up an opportunity or not. All these privileges played a part in getting me here today. Some people like to pretend that it doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, but let’s not discount how much more people who have less have to overcome. I’m not saying it was easy for me, I’m saying it was easier for me in certain aspects and I don’t want to take that for granted or ignore that. 

Standing there, I also feel privileged in another way. At various stages of my life, I always try and remember to be grateful to be able to somewhat choose where I want to be. Grateful to be able to go JC, study in nus and go on and find a job and do life. Sometimes I get so caught up and I forget. I forget that there are some friends that never got to live pass 21 and never get to experience what I experience. But I hope i never take being alive and having some autonomy to choose how I want life to be for me. 

But anyway, I’m even more grateful to all the people who has invested in me from kindergarten all the way till my masters. I don’t think I had the easiest time, academic-wise. There were certain points in my life, where I was so convinced I was stupid and I’ll never do well in any exam. Whenever I look back and identify a “turning point”, I always know that my turning point came in the form of a teacher who really believed in me. For that, I’ll always be grateful to him. 

My life so far has so many life-giving people who, at various points in my life, carried me through when I couldn’t do so myself. This is especially so during my more formative years. Getting me here was a collective effort. I am grateful because I know not everyone has that and I’m especially thankful. 

I think it was in Uni (prob y1s2) that I started getting a bit more confident. I started to find my place, started to understand myself more and started to learn to trust in God more. It was in uni, where I realise that one day I would be free. 

I found amazing people. I found amazing friends. I found amazing profs. I started to be passionate in what I was studying. I finally saw the point. 

I did my exchange while in uni and it was another turning point in my life. I did CDP and that was one other key milestone. I found an amazing Prof that believed in his students, was encouraging and took time to invest in them. I did my internship and found a great supervisors that believed in me too, in ways I still am not able to comprehend. I found my Husband-elect too. I got the opportunity to TA, something I always secretly wanted to try. I learnt so much in my 5 years. Took all the modules I was dying to take (there are more, but there’s no time) 

There has been so many ups and downs in uni. Private sorrows and celebrations, but I grew so much in the last 5 years. Made mistakes, made good decisions, made mistakes that turned out to be good decisions. It’s time to leave this season behind me (till graduation). I want to write more in detail to help me document what the main takeaway from Uni was for me, but I think that’ll take a Long time and I want to mark this day (the end of all official duties) first.