Warning: This post is long. Longer than it should be, just like my uni education.
Part 1: Graduation day
I graduated on Monday (10/7/2017) and it still feels quite surreal that I’ve finally graduated from both my masters and my bachelors. Whenever people ask me when I’m graduating and I say 2017, everyone will be like, “Wah, so long way to go”. It does feel like I’ve been in Uni FOREVER. It’s finally 2017 and I’ve finally graduated from Uni.
The best part about graduating is perhaps having people around you that love you watch you walk the stage. Sometimes life is too short to focus on the people who can’t celebrate you. It’s also too unfair to focus on them because it means giving less attention to those, who put in effort to do so.
I was very proud of myself on Monday, not only because I graduated, but also because I protected myself from people I know probably can’t be happy for me or can’t resist the chance to one-up everybody/make everything about themselves. I was thankful for friends, who come down to celebrate with me even though it was a very inconvenient timing.
After commencement, someone did something quite selfish/irritating to me and I was feeling rather bleah. The wonderful husband-elect then asked me to think what I would tell my future kid about commencement. What would I remember and tell her about my commencement and what would I want her to know on hers.
I thought about it and I told him that I’ll tell her about the friend, Sophia (or maybe aunt sophia by then), who came down on her 21st birthday just to tell me she was proud of me and tell me how much she loved seeing me and Jet together. I’ll tell her about Brenda, who spent the entire day running around with us, buying us huge ass balloons, and carrying all our heavy stuff. How she stood in as “mother” for both Pishi and I.
I’ll tell her about Aunty Wenhui, who cabbed down from work and ran to me excitedly with open arms. Even though I had asked her to turn left instead of right, making her walk a long way through crazy crowds, she was gentle-hearted to laugh it off like how she laughs off every one of my stupid mistakes. Maybe at this point I’ll side-track and tell her about how Wenhui used to joke every time we had a crisis on exchange that I’ll include that in my valedictorian speech when I graduate.
I’ll tell her about how my secondary school teacher had called to congratulate me. If she haven’t already heard the story for the 100th time, I’ll tell her how he saved my life. I’ll tell her it was him, who had gotten me out of the gutter and kickstarted the whole process that got me to graduate Uni. I’ll tell her how I had written the life and academic advices he gave me on post-its before I embarked on my JC journey. And how I take them out once in a while when I’m discouraged to remember that at some point, someone believed so much in me that I started to believe in myself too.
I’ll tell her about her father. I’ll tell her that he brought me my favourite sunflowers (and the non-sunflowers), picked out my favourite colours to wrap them in, and walked around with them trying to take the best pictures of my soft toys at UCC. I’ll tell her how he learnt how to use my DSLR for my graduation and constantly snapped pictures of me. I’ll tell her that he smiled when he saw my friends happy for me. I’ll tell her how he was the strongest support during my university days and how my CAP soared after I got together with him. I’ll tell her how he thinks the world of me and how he always reminded me of what truly matters at the end of the day. Very few people know how much I struggle to graduate from uni, but he is one of the few witnesses who knows my struggles.
I’ll tell her that God carried me through my uni days (and the rest of my life) and fulfilled all His promises to me. How my degree was not mine, but His as well. I’ll tell her that because I remember how faithful He is to me everyday, I remember my promises to Him.
I’ll tell her I graduated not so much because I was extremely brilliant, extremely hardworking, or extremely lucky. I graduated because God had put me in circumstances, where I got to meet these amazing people. They carried me through, believed in me, loved me, stood for me when I couldn’t, and let me know that I was never alone. The degree is great, but not as great as the meaning and the people behind it.
I’ll tell her I love her and I’m proud of her that she made it, but I’ll tell her to remember to look pass the degree. To remember all those who got her to that point. I’ll tell her that when her mother walked the stage, she thought of all those who carried her and remembered that she was walking the stage for them too.
Above all, I’ll ask her to remember to always be that friend to others too. The one that believes in them and loves them, that makes time for what others think is important to them, and the one that supports and carries them when they are too tired to stand on their own. I’ll tell her to take the advice that Aunty Yuning gave me – to forget about the hater(s) because there are so many, who love you. Because in life there are always going to people that will want to bring you down to elevate themselves, people that can’t be happy for others, and people who might make you feel less loved and worthy. But we never let those people overshadow those who love us.
Because at the end of the day, like what our valedictorian, Elvis, quoted: ‘You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.’
Part 2: Graduation thoughts
I’m glad I’ve graduated, but at the same time, I’m scared. I’m scared because it’s time to face the world. It’s time to go into a new phase I’ve totally not experienced before. I spent a quarter of a century preparing and learning for what’s to come for the rest of my life.
Graduation comes with a sense of freedom and autonomy. I’m self-sufficient to a certain extent now and that’s always liberating and exciting. I think I’m blessed to be one of the few (or many idk) that has secured a job before formal graduation. What’s even better is that I got the job I really wanted.
After 20 years of going to school, I’m finally done for schooling (for now). My academic life have never always been as smooth sailing as it was in my later years. Somehow when I was younger, I was convinced that I was stupid and couldn’t do well academically no matter how hard I tried. Various things reinforced that mentality too. At some point in my academic life, I was also doing so badly that teachers would tell my parents that objectively with my score, I can’t even proceed to ITE. I guess that has taught me to never despise small beginnings because all it took was for one teacher and one sermon to turn it all around.
But I found my way and eventually found my place. It was a little late, but it’s not too late. I’ve not arrived, but at least I’m on track and am where I think I should be right now.
I’ve got a lot of take-aways from my time here at NUS. I guess it’s mainly because it was so damn long (5 years!) that coincided with my coming of age years and also because I’ve experienced many things during my time here at NUS. There were many life-changing moments and highlights in this 5 years.
So in chronological order:
- Choosing my major:
I read my old posts that I had written when I was choosing my major and I remember feeling so scared and anxious. When I entered Uni, I couldn’t adapt to uni life. I took only 5 exposure modules, but was struggling to cope. There was this day when I stepped out my room (in hall), Rach looked at me and asked if I were okay, and then I started crying. Hahaha, cue lying on her bed and thinking whether I should drop one module (History). In the end, I dropped the module (despite everyone saying don’t).
Although I was interested in other majors as well, I’ve always wanted to major in Psychology since secondary school, but when I had the choice, I was afraid. All my friends, seniors, mentors all well meaningly told me not to take Psych because I was not strong with numbers and Psych had a lot of stats. I was afraid of choosing Psych because I was afraid I would fail 2131 (a requirement to major) and afraid that I’ll die in the competitiveness in Psych. In the end, I decided it was stupid to give up my dreams for fear. So onward I went and majored in Psych
At graduation, on hindsight, I was silly. I have taken every Psych module the department has offered (because all requirement for CDP) and I’ve not gotten below A- for any of them. In fact, stats mods are the things that pull my grades up. I grew so much more confident in myself because to me, if I can conquer stats, I can conquer anything else. The issue wasn’t with stats, but it was just the idea that I could overcome anything, even things everyone else (including myself) say I can’t, if I put my mind to it.
There was always something else I learnt too. Throughout the whole thing, I never compared my grades with others. I never got caught up in the competitiveness. I shared my notes and helped friends whenever I could. For me, I found it easier to do better when I wasn’t busy guarding against others.
I’m thankful 19 year-old Pee made the choice to study Psych. I truly love my major and the people in it. I get excited studying my modules. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I get things. I love relating it to real life and to the bible. I love talking and discussing about theories, in particular more of social psych theories. I find psych (and to a certain extent, stats) fascinating. It’s not easy finding something that I like studying and so I’m grateful that I trusted God and myself and took that leap of faith.
- Losing a friend:
During my 2nd year, I lost a secondary school friend. It wasn’t the first time I had lost someone, but it was the first time I had lost someone who was my friend and was my age. I remember the moment when his mum called me. I remember being so frustrated with the then horrible reception in UTown because I had picked up the phone too late. I exclaimed a vulgar word in the middle of lecture. The whole room silenced. I hated the reception, hated the universe, and hated that it happened. I go back to the posts I had written about this and I remember being so sad. It happened in the midst of horrible many things going on then, but this really was like… rock bottom.
Losing him kind of changed how I lived my life. I lost about 13kg that year. I had gained a lot during JC and first year of uni. I lost it all in that year. I started being more serious about my life because I felt like living was a privilege. My friend never got to see 21 years old, but I do. It wasn’t because I did anything better than him, it was just because I was more privileged. I remember running on the tracks with Nick after I got the news and looking up at the crest on university hall. I thought to myself that I was going to do my best to live my life right. I get to go to uni, I get to go on to graduate, get a job and live my life. I get to do things he never will and I must always remember to never take all of that for granted.
- Temporary impairment
During my 2nd year, I experienced temporary impairment. I don’t know what else to call this. I couldn’t concentrate or remember the shit I read. It was shit life. I don’t know what caused it, but some Chinese doctor fixed it. The whole semester, I was constantly frustrated with myself. I could read the entire page 5 times and still not remember anything. I wish I told you I learnt how to be patient with myself, but I did not. But I learnt to leave everything in God’s hands and do what I could do.
I always tell people that my uni life is split into pre-exchange and post-exchange. The life before pre-exchange was horrible. I was stressed out and never ever went out during the semester. Those 4 semesters before exchange, I worked hard to get my CAP to a place, where I could cruise for the next 6 semesters.
I experienced so much love on exchange. The friends who sent me off, the friends who constantly sent me mail even when it was not cheap, and the friends who would skype in no matter the hour where they were. I finally understood what it meant by, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”.
Exchange was more than just seeing the world (that part was fun), it was life-changing for me in two other ways. The first was because I met my exchange mate, Wen Hui. Before exchange, I prayed that I would meet someone similar to me. I didn’t particularly mean on exchange, but just in life. I met this huizel bedizzle on exchange and people always commented that she felt like a smaller version of me. We even looked very similar back then. It was easy to talk to her. We set out as strangers, but over the 5 months there, she became someone who will forever be a life-giving voice to me. I learnt so much self-forgiveness, patience, kindness through her. She will forever remain one of my dearest friends.
The other part that was life-changing about exchange was that I learnt autonomy. 5 months away from Singapore and away from toxicity of certain situations taught me so much about myself. I finally felt free. I was happy and I felt true quiet joy. I felt like I could finally escape the demons that haunted me all these years. I became more confident in myself. I learnt to hear my own voice. There was so much more clarity. I grew so much closer to God. It was peaceful rest after so many years.
I wasn’t the same after I came back. I got a new perspective of what’s important in life and what I wanted. I went out during the semester, was more willing to make new friends, and was more chill about life.
When I came back from exchange, I saw how life could be. I started on a journey of healing. I took steps to heal. I don’t want to go into more details about this, but I just wanted to record this down for me to remember because this was a large part of my uni life too.
- Wei the blur
Wei the blur went viral when I came back from exchange and I was a mini mini nus celebrity for a while. People came up to me to ask if I were Wei the blur. People asked me to advertise their stuff on my page. The dean even wrote me a commendation letter. It got too overwhelming that I shut down Wei the blur for a while haha, but if you’re reading this, you’ll know it was back up.
I learnt to enjoy the things I liked that came with it. I liked responding to juniors. I liked making use of the experiences I had to help them out. I liked linking them to people who could help. So I focused on that and Wei the blur became a little bit more meaningful to me. It was particularly interesting because wei the blur started when I was a sec 1 kid. It was used as an outlet for me to vent, to bully, to scold, to emo. But then it suddenly became a very different thing to others. It became help to navigate the complicated system that is FASS. I like that.
Internship was another turning point for me because I realise I could be useful in life. I also found what I wanted to do after I graduated. I met awesome people and mentors there. I got many opportunities through my internship that I appreciate. I met friends I’ll keep for a lifetime there and I also found my boyfriend there 😉
I felt like people’s perception of me changed after I entered CDP. I was still me, but people treated me differently. I think entering CDP helped me meet the nus psych community. I learnt so much from the other grad students. It also put me on the path to get my masters – something that I never thought I would. I also got two good friends out of this – Elvis and Peishi. They are truly the best classmates one could ever ask for.
I remember making the decision to apply for CDP on exchange. I was undecided because it meant I had to take more modules than required. It meant I had to approach people to write letters for me. It was troublesome. It also meant that I was out of my comfort zone. I was scared I couldn’t enter the program and I was scared I couldn’t stay in it if I did. All along in life, even when I qualified for the better program/stream, I’ll always choose the slackest route. I never dared to try to be anything more than minimal. This was going against everything I knew haha.
But I’m glad that I chose this route even though every fibre of my being was very resistant to working harder than I needed to. I’m glad because I learnt so much and got so much out of this program.
- Finding love
During my university life, I got attached to my first boyfriend and got engaged to him. I never thought I would find a boyfriend during my uni years, but I did. He made me feel like I finally belonged on this Earth. He made me feel like I belonged somewhere. I could finally talk to someone, who understood me. He is my soulmate. I found someone I could run alongside with in life. He celebrated my small victories and stood by me in my temporary defeats. He wiped my tears and hugged me when that stupid uncle from my thesis participant scolded me unreasonably.
He joined me by getting his masters in the same school, under the same prof, in the same specialisation. People meet their boyfriend in school before going to work. I meet my boyfriend at work and then go to school together. There’s too much to say about how having him in my life made me a much more joyful and happy person, but I guess this is a good summary.
- Trusting God
My first semester started out with me not trusting God. However, at a certain point, I hit rock bottom. I was at a place, where I was forced to move, to not stick to the status quo. I was forced to put my trust in God.
Many times in my life, I think back to that moment. It was shitty then, but I’m always glad I moved when I had to. There was so much uncertainty, but there was also so much peace. I learnt how to feel God’s peace. Learnt how to listen to his directions. There were so many times during my uni life, where I could definitively say, yes, this is God’s plan. Uni became a platform for me to learn how to recognise God’s voice.
In my second semester, I told God that I surrendered my degree to Him. I told Him that this degree was His and He could do whatever He wanted with it. And so, He stood by his promises to me. Every semester I learnt how to wait on His provision. I hope I never forget my promise to Him too, that whatever He wants me to do with my degree, I’ll do.
I guess in summary, my life in university was definitely an enriching one. It was here, where I learnt how to trust God and be more confident in myself. It was also during this period of time, when I found people who I could click with. I found that I could belong. I learnt that I could learn. I learnt that I could be joyful. People always say that you go to uni to find a better job. While that is true, it’s so much more than that. You what your experience what you want.
So I’m now armed with two certs, I hope I’ll always make the right choice to use them in the right way. Here’s to trying to be a productive and fruitful member of society!
“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
– Albus Dumblerdore
My break has started.
I finally get a break after idk how long. The loveliest thing in my life decided to start it with a bang by bringing me to USS. Even though USS probably opened like… 6 years ago? I haven’t gone to it once yet. Imma sua gu.
I never really wanted to spend the money to visit USS because I felt like it’ll be a waste of money on me since I’m always so queue-resistant. But since NS50 was having its 1-for 1 deal, I decided it was time! Really lucky to manage to be the first 1000 people. I imagined people to be much more kiasu about it, but I guess I’m the only sua gu that hasnt visited the park yet.
It was really sweet because the Jet took leave just to take me to USS because he wanted my break to start off well. I’m touched because he takes all my little things seriously. He’s also the kind that would ask me if I want to get minion tattoos with him because he knows me that well haha. I’m just glad I’m dating someone I don’t have to drag to do silly things with me.
The thing about Jet is that he’s not a fan of thrill rides. Actually, he hates it. But he always takes them with me because I want to. This is why I love him so much haha because he always puts me before himself.
He celebrates with me all the little things like agreeing to buy a Shrek ice-cream waffle. I catch him smiling when he sees me happy (esp when eating crab). Maybe that’s what love is – being happiest when you see the one you love happy.
After USS, we caught wonder woman (finally, told u I’m slow on everything). I REALLY LIKED THE MOVIE. It was good and I enjoyed it!!
Then we came home and watched parliament. The perks of dating a nerd is that he gets it. He really does hahaha. He gets excited over the same stupid geekish shit.
So my month of slack has started and I’m enjoying every moment of it.
The month is ending and many things are coming to an end. It seems like Airlee (my lappy) knows and she has decided to die without warning. I’m currently typing this on the bf’s laptop that he has decided to give me instead. It’s the new macbook and I’m not used to the keys and the feeling of the entire machine. I feel like I was forcefully ripped away from my airlee and thrust into this newness – a very apt analogy of my life right now.
So end of last month, I got my final results and I’m on my way to graduating! My thesis did wayyy better than I had expected and I’m satisfied with my results overall. (Yaye, more about graduation some other time).
End of last month, I also got the news that I had gotten my “dream job”. After 4-5 long months, it is finally final. I gave my one month’s notice and this Friday (end of this month) will be my last day at my current job. It was a surreal feeling finally getting the letter of offer in the mail. I was talking to Xiao Tian and he was suggested that this was my calling. I never really thought of it like that, but yes, at this point of time it feels right and it feels like it is really my calling.
My job search journey has been nothing short of exciting and nerve-wrecking and I’m glad it has come to an end.
In Feb, I had gotten an offer to work at… let’s just call it ‘A’ at the same time I was through to the next round for place ‘B’ and for place ‘C’. All these three places were places that I really wanted to try. To have an openings for the specific project/job scope at the places I wanted to work at was already a miracle, to be called back by all three was a bigger miracle.
When ‘A’ offered me, I thought of letting go of ‘B’ and ‘C’. But after some thought, I felt like I really wanted ‘B’. It had been my dream job for the past 1-2 years and I really wanted to give it a shot. At the same time, if I didn’t get it, I’ll be losing a really good job that I was also interested in at ‘A’.
I prayed about it and the feeling was very odd. I was at peace for both A and B, less so for C. I felt God was telling me not to fear and go for B because He promised me I’ll get it, but at the same time I felt God telling me to go for ‘A’ as well. I didn’t really get it, what did He want me to do. B told me that the process to confirm me would take up to 6 months to a year, so I couldn’t ask A to hold.
I remember being so torn. My idea was to take up A first and if B fell through, at least I had a back-up. But it also meant I had to quit if I had gotten B and decided to take it up. It didn’t feel right. Everyone told me to just take A up first and then quit later. They told me not to tell A I was looking for another job because they’ll not take me/they won’t develop me if they do take me in. But it honestly didn’t feel right.
I prayed again and called ‘A’ up. I wanted to be honest, so I told them I was keen to take up this job, but at the same time I had a job that if I didn’t try, I will regret for the rest of my life. I asked them if they were comfortable taking me in and if they weren’t then I would politely decline their offer. God really came through for me because after some discussion, they decided to take me in, even though I had such a weird request.
It was a risk I took and I remember shivering when talking on the phone to the boss. It was a very good job and the fear of being jobless if they didn’t take me up on my offer was very real too. However, I remember thinking I didn’t want to start my career on a lie and I wanted to do what I felt was right.
So I started work. They made concessions for me for my first 2 months since I was still studying. They let me work part time for my first two months until I finished school. The people there were nice and I learnt a lot. I also decided I wanted to Foster in the future. I learnt about trauma-informed care. I learnt the pains of internet separation. I’ve learnt how good leadership looked like.
During my time there, I went for the different rounds of interview at ‘B’ and ‘C’ too. ‘C’ is somewhat similar to ‘B’ and people have told me that ‘C’ was more prestigious than ‘B’. At my second interview at ‘C’, I was immediately given an ‘offer’, subjected to normal proceedings, for the position I wanted. Two days later, B called and offered me a position too.
I prayed and decided that B was where I felt most at peace. I told my superiors at work and they were supportive. It was then when I was so glad that I had told them the truth right from the start. If I hadn’t, it would’ve been horrible. The work at ‘A’ is okay, colleagues are great and the culture is good (pay is also good haha), but it just don’t feel like where I am supposed to be at right now.
I still don’t know clearly the reason why God had asked me to work at ‘A’ either, but feel like this isn’t going to be in vain. These 3 months although short has its meaning, even if I do not see it yet. I can, with good conscience, say that I had given my best in this 3months and contributed in my own way to the organisation and now am ready to leave.
I will finally be getting my break since… 2014. Everyone is going on grad trips and whatnot, but I’m going to take this break to really recharge, regroup and re-everything to get ready for the next phase of life.
I am excited and nervous at the same time for my next job. I heard it’s stressful and demanding, but I’m so ready to learn. I’m thankful for getting this job. I am thankful for the small events that added up to make getting this job possible. It was really many small coincidences and things. I am thankful for the people that helped me. Thankful for the supportive friends (esp Gary and Rachel). Thankful for the boyfriend for dealing with my crazy paranoia and constantly reassuring me throughout this journey. I also am very thankful for this life partner for supporting me to do what I think (and he thinks) is right and honest.
I think I’ve learnt to trust God in one other part of my life (work) and He has been with me throughout this job search process. Excited for what is to come (:
It’s been less than a month since I last blogged, but it feels like such a long time. So much have happened in between. Actually, so much have happened within the past week too. Time passes quite slowly when I’m working. There’s so much I want to log down, but so little time. I guess this blogpost, I’ll focus more on my relationship with Jet.
Jet and I decided to try for another balloting for a HDB. This time, if we get it, we’ll be able to move in straight away. This also means we’ll get married right away. Last year in November, we tried for a BTO flat in Bedok, but the number was huge. Now I think the huge number was sort of a blessing in disguise (more on that later).
Well, we’re trying for SBF kallang and our plan is to actually to keep trying to ballot a flat until we get one or until 2019, whichever comes first. This time feels different because this time I feel so much more at ease compared to previously. I feel so much more at peace balloting for this even though our chances are very small this time. I don’t know, it feels right. Maybe it’s because we walked around the entire night around the kallang neighbourhood (omg my legs died) or because this time it feels more concrete and tangible (the flats are built already).
So we have two applications running concurrently (the bedok one and the kallang one) and I hope the Bedok one doesn’t call us soon because if they call us and we reject, we’re considered 2nd timers with lesser chance. However, if the kallang one ballots before the bedok one calls us down to select a flat, we are still considered 1st timers. So I really am thankful the bedok number was huge enough and I’m hoping that they don’t call us to select the flat too soon! Whatever it is, I’m leaving this in God’s hands. I think He has good plans for us and I’ll just trust Him.
2 days ago, I proposed to Jet. Haha, I realize I haven’t recorded it on this blog about his proposal at Disneyland to me yet (I’ll do it soon). I have been planning this proposal wayyy long ago and wasn’t planning to do it so soon, but because I wanted to get him something, I had to bring it forward. Haha. He was surprised and touched hehe. I regret not recording it even though he asked me if I wanted to (when he realized it was a proposal). I decided that I wanted to just be in the moment and remember it for the rest of my life.
I think our relationship has progressed very quickly in a short span of time. I hesitate to use the word “progress” because I don’t really see it as such. Maybe I would say, our relationship has added layers. I think it’s the best feeling in the world to feel like you’re in this together with your favourite teammate. There’s a sense of safety. It’s exciting to be working together to build a future together, be it saving together for our future (we started a savings plan), or planning for our house or planning how many kids we want etc etc. It’s a great feeling when you use the word “we” instead of just “I”. some people might say, don’t get a savings plan together because what if you break-up/divorce. But isn’t that what love is? Taking chances, having your lives intertwined?
How do you tell someone you want them in your life forever when you don’t include them in the planning of your future?
Recently, I feel this tangible deeper understanding of each other and our relationship. I feel like I can just look at him and he’ll just know. I’m not sure what it is that makes me feel this way.
It’s also in the little things that make me confident in our relationship. The small things he does just to show me he loves me. Like trying to prepare a spoon that contains the perfect combination of noodles, soup, meat and then blowing it to make sure it isn’t too hot before he gives it to me to try whatever he’s having. It’s peeling prawns before I even ask him to or ordering all my favourite food even for himself so I can “pinch” some of his. It’s messaging me every morning and randomly telling me he loves me during the day.
It’s a nice feeling. Feeling safe in someone else’s arms, knowing there’s a future you both want and will work hard together for.
2.5 more months before the results are out and I really hope we get it. *cross fingers*
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted and I’ve been busy with work and whatever remaining of school there is. This week, I finished marking my pl1101 papers, handed over my data to my prof, handed in my final essay and today I attended my last brown bag.
This is a new era I Guess, for me. Haha the end of half study half work. School related activities have officially ended.
5 years. 5 years in nus. I wish I had taken a mandatory last exam shot or something haha. But this will have to do for now
We took this last last week when we stayed over in the grad room. It was my last week of part time work and I guess it was kind of my last time to do something stupid in school. It was also because the next day we were invited by the deans office for some luncheon so we decided to stay over.
I enjoyed staying over with them in school and as we stood on the rooftop and stargazed, I felt this sudden “omg this is it.”. This is the end of my formal education. 17 years and this is the end.
I feel privileged to be standing there that day. I’m privileged in many ways. I come from an upper-middle class family and that has helped me in my studies in many ways: I don’t need to worry about money, I can engage tutors if I ever feel the need to, i never had to work and study if I didn’t want to. I have the privilege to choose if I want to take up an opportunity or not. All these privileges played a part in getting me here today. Some people like to pretend that it doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, but let’s not discount how much more people who have less have to overcome. I’m not saying it was easy for me, I’m saying it was easier for me in certain aspects and I don’t want to take that for granted or ignore that.
Standing there, I also feel privileged in another way. At various stages of my life, I always try and remember to be grateful to be able to somewhat choose where I want to be. Grateful to be able to go JC, study in nus and go on and find a job and do life. Sometimes I get so caught up and I forget. I forget that there are some friends that never got to live pass 21 and never get to experience what I experience. But I hope i never take being alive and having some autonomy to choose how I want life to be for me.
But anyway, I’m even more grateful to all the people who has invested in me from kindergarten all the way till my masters. I don’t think I had the easiest time, academic-wise. There were certain points in my life, where I was so convinced I was stupid and I’ll never do well in any exam. Whenever I look back and identify a “turning point”, I always know that my turning point came in the form of a teacher who really believed in me. For that, I’ll always be grateful to him.
My life so far has so many life-giving people who, at various points in my life, carried me through when I couldn’t do so myself. This is especially so during my more formative years. Getting me here was a collective effort. I am grateful because I know not everyone has that and I’m especially thankful.
I think it was in Uni (prob y1s2) that I started getting a bit more confident. I started to find my place, started to understand myself more and started to learn to trust in God more. It was in uni, where I realise that one day I would be free.
I found amazing people. I found amazing friends. I found amazing profs. I started to be passionate in what I was studying. I finally saw the point.
I did my exchange while in uni and it was another turning point in my life. I did CDP and that was one other key milestone. I found an amazing Prof that believed in his students, was encouraging and took time to invest in them. I did my internship and found a great supervisors that believed in me too, in ways I still am not able to comprehend. I found my Husband-elect too. I got the opportunity to TA, something I always secretly wanted to try. I learnt so much in my 5 years. Took all the modules I was dying to take (there are more, but there’s no time)
There has been so many ups and downs in uni. Private sorrows and celebrations, but I grew so much in the last 5 years. Made mistakes, made good decisions, made mistakes that turned out to be good decisions. It’s time to leave this season behind me (till graduation). I want to write more in detail to help me document what the main takeaway from Uni was for me, but I think that’ll take a Long time and I want to mark this day (the end of all official duties) first.
Today, I went to open a new bank account so that I can start crediting my salary in. I also learnt about endowment plans and saving plans and comparing and planning. Yesterday, Jet and I were surfing the net for a resale flat and we stumbled across this one that we were pretty impressed by and we’re going to be looking at it this Sunday.
Calculating savings, projected expenses, and calculating which plan suits us the best makes me feel too adult. Planning for the future feels so adult. It’s scary in some sense and there’s this sense of dread. At the same time, I feel excited. Like Jet says, it’s exciting to look at houses together because it’s with each other. Planning for OUR future together. Like we’re going on an adventure together. I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else other than the best partner in the world. ❤
I’ve privatised all my blog posts from 2006-2013. That’s half of my bloglife actually. I did it because I realised I’ll be starting work soon and there are some parts of me I’m not quite comfortable putting it out there. Those cringe-worthy years. So, I set up another private blog to house all my old posts for me to read whenever I want to and also because I’m aware some of my friends sometimes use my blog as a time machine.
I’m supposed to start work tomorrow, but it’s been pushed back to next week. That’s good I think because it gives me some “down” time before I start work. Of course I wish for longer “down time”, but beggers can’t be choosers. I haven’t graduated so I expect the next couple of months to be a little hectic – juggling work, school and TA duties.
I think I’m incredibly lucky to have found work so soon and at a place, where the boss is so flexible. The pay is decent and it’s something that I’ve always wanted to try too. It’s funny how it all falls into place. Plus, it’s so freaking near my house. I’m considering investing in a kick scooter. On top of that, I’m still trying for my “dream job”, and it’s something that the current employer is okay with me doing. I’m extremely grateful that they allow this.
I’ve learnt something through this whole job search process. My job search process was a little nerve-wracking and it contained much uncertainty. I was rather stressed for a period of time, but I’ve learnt how to trust God in a new way. I’ve learnt that nothing in this world is worth it if it demands your peace. I hope I take this lesson with me as I start to work. I hope that I’ll never do anything against my conscience and that I always keep my integrity.
A few times I was faced with the decision to either do the “smart” thing or the “right” thing. I chose to do the “right” thing – right in my books at least. Of course, there was my wonderful fiance and friends there to support my decision. Some said it was a stupid move and maybe, in the long run, I would think it was too, but everything worked out better than I expected for now. I have to remember to always give more weight to the voices who know me and love me and I trust. I’m proud of myself too because I never imagined myself being so brave. I surprise myself. hahaha.
It’s daunting. Starting work. I’m finally trying to be a productive member of the society. It also means that now my actions have a little bit more real world consequences. I hope I never grow weary giving my best. I hope I never grow jaded (for too long). I hope I always try to be excellent, even for things that don’t seemingly matter.
I’m worried that I’ll lose myself. That I’ll become competitive, scheming, or political. I hope I never be and that I’ll always have people to keep me in check. As I start work, I hope I’ll never forget God and to spend time with God. I hope that I’ll always remember what’s most important – relationships with God, friends, family and Jethro.
I haven’t forgotten and will never forget that everything I have today is God’s. At the start of my degree, I told God that my degree is His and I’ll do whatever He wants me to do with this degree. I don’t know where this whole thing will take me. I’m not sure whether I’ll stay here for the long haul or I’ll be transferred to my “dream job”, but either way, I’m willing to let God guide me to where he wants me to go. There have been so many times in my life where He has put me in places I didn’t intend or necessarily enjoy being in, but out of those places, better things came. Wherever I end up, I hope I never forget that I’m right where I need and am intended to be.
(1 Timothy 6:1-2)
5Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear and sincerity of heart, just as you would show to Christ. 6And do this not only to please them while they are watching, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7Serve with good will, as to the Lord and not to men, 8because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.
9And masters, do the same for your slaves. Give up your use of threats, because you know that He who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with Him.
Long post ahead that sums up my JC life.
I really have no idea how to start this post. Just so that it wont end on a bad note, I shall start this post with something else that’s not so pleasant. Haha, though my results are no where near straight As, I feel like I topped singapore or something. That’s how happy I am. But, of course in everything, there’s always a downside to it…and there are some people who arent very happy with my grades. I was feeling rather down last night. I don’t know if I it’s cause I was tired or if it was cause I seriously felt so upset. but after talking to shienling and B, I felt much better.
Like what B says,
So instead of thinking about people who can’t be happy for me, I’ll appreciate those that are genuinely happy and celebrate for me (:
I was too shocked and my results didnt really set in until Weile told me that I was eligible for church’s AE prize. Few months back when pastor said that every A level student who makes it to uni will get an encouragement of 100 bucks, I was all like, sian I wont get it this time. But on the way home from malaysia on the bus, I had this overwhelming feeling. It was this “it was all worth it feeling”
The moment I got the A levels grades in my hands, in my mind I knew I couldnt have done it without God. Well, I did acknowledge God once I get the result, but instead of a “thank you God!” it came out as a “OH MY GOSH!”
Even factoring out the drama of last year during prelims and all that, this miracle couldnt have happened without God. The day before the results I was thinking to myself whether I would regret putting in so much effort trying to help people and putting up with their nonsense when i could just turn my back on them during these 2 years of JC and during the A level period. I was thinking if I had done badly, would I take it all back and wished that i had used the time to be selfish and just study. In short, i was asking whether it was all worth it. I made a decision that no matter what grade I got, I’m not going to blame them cause it was my decision. and now, I’m really glad that God has allow me to finish it the way I want to, without compromising my integrity and staying true to myself.
Now, I’m not being naive and saying that it’s only God alone and I have done no studying. I studied my ass off. like the hardest i ever have in my life but I acknowledge that my studying wouldnt be enough without the people and events that have been placed in my path to direct me to the right path and keep me going. I’m really blessed and I wouldnt even try to deny it or hide it. I’ve always said when I was younger that I’m a lucky person. But I know it’s not luck. I’m fortunate and I’m blessed and I’m very grateful for that. I look at my road and how I’ve come thus far and I see God’s hand at every turn and every little decision or event in my life.
I look back at this journey and I see the pieces fitting together. The decision to go CJC, which wouldnt have even been in my mind if Mr ong hadnt encouraged me to try JC out.
I thought about how shienling and I would sit in class and think if our efforts were worth it and think about how stupid we felt.
I thought about how I felt after international history paper. I remembered I came out in tears because I felt like I was going to fail and that I had let everyone who believed in me down. (funny how so many thoughts can hit u during an exam). I went home and cried for two days (thank God I didnt have a paper the next day) I really felt like giving up. I didnt even bother studying for my next paper (lit 1) I remember sitting at the swimming pool and just crying and telling God, “I have nothing left, I’m just going to rely on You from here on to just help me finish this race.” I remembered the feeling that I got reminding me that I came to CJ for a purpose and that the grades “AAB/AB” ,which i stuck on my wall since J1, wasnt put in my heart for nothing. But at that time it was too late. It was already one day before lit 1 and I hadnt studied yet. So i made a desperate prayer. I said, “God, I dont have much time, just tell me what to study.” Then I just went and study ONE essay on Lucy. It was freaking risky. I dont know what gave me the balls to go for it… but I studied Lucy and went to bed. And it came out for exam the next day. It was a freaking miracle.
oh yes, another study miracle. Every time i studied, I’ll pray, “God, let me study the things that are coming out so that I wont waste my time and memory space… i only have 2gb left for history” and funnily, I accidentally omitted SBQ like the whole UN chapter… i panicked of course like a few days before… but I decided to heck it. In the end… it didnt come out for SBQ. instead, some no need contextual knowledge SBQ came out.
For lit, having eugene as a friend is a miracle. He seriously helped me like crazy for lit 5 comparison like 2 days before exam. I had no idea how to write a proper essay. he saved my sorry lit ass.
-> Results: History got an A and Lit got a B.
Another was Econs which I left 11 marks on my case study completely blank because I was just that terrified that I zoned out. (like on the viking ride). Then on the essay paper, I wasted 20 mins on an essay i threw away. On top of that, I covered half the question I was doing and ended up not answering the full question,… <- i honestly felt like killing myself after i realised that. Econs was a shocker because I emerged with an A when I honestly felt like I had done terrible and didnt even deserve a C. Whenever people asked me about A levels results, first thing that came to my mind was… econs…sian.
My GP was quite a disappointment although I was still quite happy it didnt go below a B. After all, I totally dont deserve an A after that #likearoman crap and the super mario essay.
Getting this results really feel like it’s all worth it. like “it all paid off” nothing feels more rewarding. I feel I’m not being shortchanged and life is gonna get better. Nothing beats the feeling of pure hope. I honestly never thought I’ll get into NUS or local U for that matter. I know I dont deserve this grace, but that’s what makes this experience all the more humbling and fulfilling. It might not make sense to you, but it does to me. kinda sorta, in a way.
When Ms ana hugged me after my results, she told me, “Luckily you didnt give up”
And yea, I’m grateful for everyone who stopped me from giving up. (in no order)
- Mr Ong who has continually encouraged me since sec 3 all the way until after prelims he still believed that I could make it to NUS when I was failing like nobody’s business. “Never, never, never give up”
- Weile who encouraged me during the study period. She told me it really wasnt as difficult as I thought. She played a huge part in picking me up when I was in a mess. Talked to me on the phone for hours, cycled with me, watch me burst into tears, console me after history…
- Ms ana who really saved me after CTs and after history paper when I was crying like wth. I cant say enough how she pulled me through after CTs. Haha although it was just a little word of advice, it made me think a lot.
- My sec school friends who consoled me after history paper (in fact they were cursing and swearing at me when they knew my results, “walao, cry cry cry… in the end also ok”)
- Shienling, Heleyna and Christine for being my best buds in school (and fending off certain helicopters)
- Mr chong haha even this guy. he helped me a lot i would say… esp after prelims when I couldnt study anymore. I remember him asking me to stay strong and stop thinking. Haha his advice did work after all I guess. Hahaha. He helped me with the surgery crap and all. plus, though he’s naggy, he’s really nice lah -> anyone who entertains my friend is nice okay.
- My wonderful seniors Guolian who constantly encourages me although I know she’s going shit herself. She’s just really reassuring. Haha and ruth who once told me “Dont look down on yourself just because you’re from clementi town and others are from a better school….”
- JERRY YAN – For just existing and giving me motivation to get through my exams
- my teachers of course -> esp mr seah who crazily spent like 6 hours in consult and mr lim who met us outside for consult. <- dedicated teachers.
- Ru -> the best sister in the world for taking the role of the parent who goes for my PTM
- My parents – dont even need to explain haha. -> paying fees and driving me around
- David Chu – after history paper
- Juniors – always being sweet.
- My classmates -> those that nag at me, those that believed in me, those that taught me, those that encouraged me
- My friends -> bestie for always being there for me, travelling down to CJ, making me laugh when I’m down, hearing me complain about random people. L for studying with me, cheering me up, training my self discipline, getting me to at least exercise once a week during exams. Those that consoled me during history paper. Those that sent me essays. Those that convinced me i’ll be a blackhorse again.
- My tuition friend ,Kenneth, who recommended me my maths tutor who saved my sorry ass and improved my grade within 3 months. I was getting U and S for prelims and everything.
- Friends who are always genuinely happy for me
- Bryan for carrying my stuff HAHA.
- My doctors who are incredibly understanding and allow me to shift my appt time like some tetris blocks
- SO MANY MORE PEOPLE! THE LIST GOES ON!!!!
- Rely on God and trust in His plans.
- Dont be stupid
- Dont think you’re stupid
- Dont be affected by others so much
- Believe you’re not that stupid. -> I was just telling myself that I should believe in myself more after collecting results when mr chong asked me why i dont take fass. I said, “scared must compete for psych” and then he said “no confidence ar?” then I was like “yea duh!” <- need to work on that or else I’m gonna be miserable in uni
- Never wear long sleeves shirt to CJ
Haha, in O levels, a miracle happened, A levels, another miracle happened.
B who also calls me blackhorse lee (talking about that I realise, I’m not a blackhorse, I’m a zebra) asked me something which was damn funny “B i asked u something must answer honestly. Are you Jesus incarnate or something? cause mere mortals dont make miracles every two years?”
Haha well, I’m certainly not Jesus but I definitely got him on my side.
2 March: Results day
Anyway, today, shienling and I met at like 11am at united square for lunch with bryan. Haha we were so planning on being late. The next 4 hours was agony. We were sitting, standing and walking but nothing seemed to make sense with us. Of course poor bryan was bored out of his mind and he ran out of ideas on how to make us less nervous about 2 hours later. so the next 2 hours was pure stoning. Well, it kinda went like this for me.
resignation -> nervousness -> close to tears -> banging my head against bryan’s shoulder -> wanting to bite bryan -> stone -> resignation ->cycle carries on.
You should hear how bryan described how we were. totally funny. I admit, shienling and I were in a mess.
So we skipped the PAC part where the principal addresses the cohort. At about 2+ christine said that the principal was done talking so I called my sister to pick us up from novena (cause nervous shienling insisted that we walked from united square to novena square just to use the 2nd floor toilet)
Smses and calls were coming in, which i selectively picked up, my sister was laughing at shienling cause once she drove into the school shienling was in the backseat going like “oh shit”. on our way there gary called me up to ask us to come down quick…cause everyone had already taken their results. shienling and i were evaluating what it meant when he said the class did well. We were going like “shit, if it’s 50% means we’re the 50%. ARGH…” bryan: -.- <- this guy couldnt take us anymore.
So we pulled up next to the TDC, cars were honking but we couldnt give a shit anymore.
At that moment, there were like a few people i thought of. Jax, Lala, chichi. Weird right? I suddenly thought about how this was same the day, 4 years ago lala jax and I first stepped into heart of God church. Weird thought to be having but suddenly I felt so much more comforted. But the comfort didnt last for long lah. I stepped in and some of the class were standing around having that 😀 on their faces. I was like, oh no, what if I cry and make them feel so bad for being happy later! So Ms ana was so excited to let us see our marks. I asked bryan to help me see them first but ms ana said she wanted me to see them first and practically shoved them in my face. I was like “NONONO I DONT WANNA SEE” -cover eyes- she was like, “no, look! it’s good! it’s not bad!” I looked at it and I was like… *took a while to register* “OH MY GOSH!” then hugs followed. Shook ms narindar’s hands when she congratulated me. the next few minutes were a blur.
Spoke to a few teachers after that, mr seah, mr chong and mr glascow. Haha mr glascow did a little dance as promised and it’s on facebook now 😀 HAHAHA.
After that shienling, Bryan and I left CJ and went to buy bryan ice cream as his reward for putting up with us and having to carry that heavy bright sparks bag. “Mum, which uni u applying to ar? so I can throw away the rest” But i would say bryan and mr chong hit it off rather well. LOL. two bearded and mustached people.
oh man, A levels results tomorrow. Seems so… surreal? Idk, I never thought this day would come. It feels like just a while ago when I was going to receive my O levels results. But I never felt this nervous for Os. maybe cause in my mind I knew that I would do at least 18 points and below so it didnt really matter. Even if you failed Os, you still had somewhere to go. But if you fail As, siannn.
Before Os results we had plan a ‘mass suicide’ at henderson wave just in case. Right now, looking back at it, I really miss having the whole class together anticipating our grades and telling each other to strip the person who gets less than 10 points so that the person can run naked in the school field.
I really have no idea how I would fare, but I dont think it’ll be very good given my performance both during normal school days and in As. Of course I would like to pull another stunt… but, this is As, who am I kidding?
I’m not sure what I’m expecting for tomorrow. Part of me is mentally prepared for something bad. Like I’ve gone through every possible scenario in my mind and I hope that I’ll handle myself well tomorrow. I cant guarantee no tears after what happened after history paper, but I’ll try my best. After all, it’s already all been done. Though I’m kinda prepared, somehow I feel it’ll only hit me when I get it.
Anyway, few days ago, celebrated L’s 19th birthday. Haha, it’s so weird seeing him so old already. no more that 15 year old boy with the geeky specs and bad attitude.
Bought him an ice cream cake. an ice cream for a cake to be exact. my maid cooked a meal for him (a very large meal for him) when i told her it was his birthday.
Found this below my pillow one day later
Found this stuck on my jacket two days later (yes I know I am very slow)
Hahaha, I find it so funny that he stuck it on the sweater that I always wear but didnt see till today. LOL.
Anyway, whatever happens tomorrow, good or bad, pleasantly surprised or utterly disappointed, I’ll have to remember to always praise God no matter what. It’s a tall order for someone like me, but I’ll try my hardest to remember that.
Today church started it’s relationship series where across the whole church everyone’s learning about relationships. The younger ones about when to start dating and the older ones about marriage. And us, the “not too young, not too old~ aaron carter” generation, are learning about dating sorta.
For our age group I think it’s a 6 part series and today was part 1.
I didnt think much of it at first cause I’m not that kind that’s interested in dating or relationships kinda thing.
but when Pastor How explained the rationale for changing the title from “Choosing the right life partner” to “Becoming and choosing the right life partner” I thought, yea that made sense.
Haha, at first I thought it was gonna be like a list of Dos and Donts. Like,… dont marry a guy who will beat the crap out of you or gamble your whole bank account away. But I realise it’s more of a how to know if someone suit you kinda thing and how to identify unattractive characteristics that you yourself have. So, it turned out to be a very applicable and practical kinda sermon. It’s hard to explain actually, but I think people my age should listen to it, christian or not…especially those who are always confused in relationships.
Hahaha told QM about it and he asked me to get him the CD so, anyone else want just ask me so i can get together.
“I’M GONNA BE A RELATIONSHIP GURU!!!!” -QM
A levels results in 5 days time, gosh I really dont know what to expect to be honest.
anyway went back to CJ on…wednesday I think. Haha, the place looks the same yet different and it’s only within a few months.
Didnt really get “that” feeling. I wonder why maybe there’s no closure yet that’s why but anyway the teachers are still weird there (mainly mr chong) and ms ana is still so hyper and adorable. OH YES AND SEDAP STILL HAS NICE CHEEEKEN 😀
That day I was having a dilemma. Not that it was super major lah but I was feeling so… irritated by it.
Pretend you like desserts. Pretend you like… cheesecake.
Cheesecake is like a treat… something different from rice which you normally get. So after eating rice for sometime, you get a chance to eat cheesecake. It has depth, it’s complex, it’s so good.
It’s nice the first bite but if you eat it 3 times a day everyday. Then you eat the rice again and suddenly the blandness and lightness of the rice tastes so good. You realise you’re sick of the cheesecake.
And here’s the dilemma. Do I really prefer the cheesecake or do I prefer the rice?
I was so irritated by it because I always thought preferences say a lot about someone’s character. Naturally the people you like to hang out with, the things you like to do and your interest define you in someway right?
So I was so irritated I decided to speak to tek joo about it. And he gave some great advice man. This guy is awesome (:
I finally understand that there’s a difference in the function of cheesecakes and rice. Rice is a staple food. It’s for you to survive and though it may be bland, you cant really eliminate it totally from your life. Cheesecake on the other hand is a treat for celebration and taste.
It all boiled down to moderation. too much something is just as tough.
Something tek joo said made me realise what I was actually doing. He told me, “we dont have to cancel out one you know…you can keep both…close”
I was seeking to choose between the two. It was either this or that. It neednt be this or that actually. I was comparing apple to orange.
All I had to do was just learn when to eat the rice and when to eat the cake.
So, went on a 5 day 4 night trip with my JC classmates earlier this month. I sincerely didnt know what to expect. Somehow I pictured it to be something like 4A1’s trip without the nonsense and trouble but like I’ve learnt many times these two years, you can do the same thing but with a different group of people… it can be a super different experience.
MORE OF A PHOTO SPAM POST
So we travelled on the bus and NO ONE WAS LATE FOR THE BUS (u reading this kevin LOL) everyone was like an hour early. WOW. (Y) responsible people man. the only unpredicted thing that happened was that the bus didnt stop at yong peng D: Haha other than that it was all good.
We booked some condo to stay and it was really cheap and good! It was near to the MRTs and all plus the place was (Y)
The place we stayed
The kitchen – my fave space for the next 5 days
clothes hanging area?
the place (:
yeap so comfortable stay for the next 5 days (:
hehe we ate pizza on the first day! canadian pizza delivery. It’s so cheap in malaysia D:
So, woke up earliest on day two. Boiled some water using POTS cause stupid kettle wasnt working. While everyone was still sleeping, did a little quiet time and all and felt much better after that. Gary was up soon after and we ate our cereal with milk that we bought the day before.
So, soon we woke everyone up to get ready for the day ahead!
After everyone got their breakfast and everything, we cabbed towards batu caves!
Cause batu cave is like some hindu temple thingo, they were having some rituals and stuff since thaipusam (hope i spelt it right) was near. I wouldnt lie to you but I was kinda frightened there. Both by the possessed/pierced people and the number of people there!
Climbed the insanely high steps. ok lah not that insane like 252 steps. the steps were that bad, it’s the height of it! omgosh. While I was climbing… all I thought was… OH NO HOW AM I GONNA WALK DOWN LATER
So we rested in that cave for a while before heading over to the DARK CAVE. though the cave was…dark. I felt less frightened cause it wasnt as crowded there.they had like this educational tour which was pretty cool if u ask me.
Haha that was our guide in the darkness 😀
The thing that I remembered the most was when he asked us to switch off all our torches and experience the darkness in the cave. It was really pitch black. You know the chinese saying 伸手不见五指, our guide made us try that. like put ur hand in front of you, YOU CANT SEE IT. D: Normally I’m super scared of the dark, but it wasnt a very haunting darkness. it actually felt kinda nice. It was that kind of darkness I wouldnt mind sitting in and just be still or something.
After that we went to independence square 😀 the court thingy wasnt open though hahaha.
we walked all the way to the times square area which was quite a distance! and we got our massage! 😀
I opted for the shoulder and neck massage while the other girls opted for the aroma therapy thingy. Well, but I tan tio. Cause I was talking to the lady massaging me and i was telling her how far we had walked and just chatted with her about her life. Then, she gave me a full body massage for the price of shoulder and neck. HOW AWESOME IS THAT! Hahaha! 😀 pays to be interested in someone else’s life (quite literally)
That night we ate at some night market place which wasnt too bad then we mrt-ed home to our place.
Had some chicken backside (chatting time) with the girls before we slept. Chatted about childhood and stuff before we drifted off to sleep.
THEME PARK DAY 😀
we have no pictures for today since the camera was in the lockers. heh.
Well, I was terrified of the theme park. Like… quite chicken. Ok, maybe on a scale of weiyang to 10, I’m a little above weiyang’s threshold but the thing is when I’m scared I go into this mode. Like this stone mode. So teachers have feedback to my sisters that when they scold me I either stone or smile… yea that’s how i react to fear.
So, they were all, let’s go on a warmup ride! ok, warmup ride, sounds warm up-ish right. so we decided to go on the viking which looks pretty tame.
We were the first people so we got the middle role and we’re all thinking like, sian middle role. Then the man speaks in malay and we have no idea what he’s saying. I look at the security things and I’m thinking, this is a little bit kuazhang for a viking. There’s seatbelts, leg bar and a heavy thing that comes down from the top. So he starts the ride. and swings like a viking until at some point I’m thinking “this is going a little high for a viking right?” AND THEN IT FREAKING TURNS 360 DEGREES! WTH.
yea so after that ride, most rides were pretty okay. The water park was normal too i guess. just… malaysia water. yea.
AND WE ATE KFC FOR DINNER 😀 then we jalan jalan for a bit around that area before heading back to our place.
we bought instant noodle and I cooked for them after we bathed 😀 yes, Peiwei COOKED. It was edible ok! Was kinda missing home food and all. Plus people were kinda feeling down and everything so I decided to set the table how it’s normally being set at home during dinner 😀 heh heh heh.
That night, the girls had chicken backside moments again 😀
oh yes, and we did some personality test 😀
The split up day. This was the day we could do whatever we wanted. So the girls went together to… SHOP. we attacked the east wing of times square which has hell lot of shops D: But we bought nothing in the end and decided to cab home early after buying our dinner from horrible TASTE OF ASIA which has bad service as well! ):
Reached home and realised that Marcus had the key and we came back earlier than him so we waited outside the door while listening to “dancing in the moonlight”
yeap, but thankfully marcus came back and we watched the big bang theory and I played tetris 😀
waited for anthony and gary to come home since eugene was at his relative’s house. AND THAT TWO STUPID PEOPLE BLUFF US THEY KANA SEND TO IPOH! WALAO. ):
that night we had our heart to heart session which lasted for about… from 10.30pm to 3am. WOW. long sia. Well, we all had to write anonymously… like questions. and then I compiled them into a powerpoint slide and then everyone had to answer the questions. Haha. really got to know everyone better that night. (: found out things we never knew about each other. 😀
oh yes, something happened in the night. LOL. normally christine didnt sleep beside me. FYI, christine is a super noisy sleeper! if you think I’m noisy when i sleep, SHE IS WORSE. SHE SNORES LIKE NO TOMORROW and when u whack her, SHE DONT WAKE UP. so in the morning, shienling and heleyna were so pek cik-ed cause apparently at night whenever christine snored I’ll say “okay” so it sounded like *snore* “okay” *snore* “okay” LOL. I’m sorry guise 😛
time to pack up and leave. Haha, we had to carry the beds back and everything which was kinda tough 😛 after that Eugene’s uncle was so kind (: he brought us to go eat noodles 😀 damn nice and then summore he offered to put our bags in the car while we shopped/massaged before we got on the bus back to singapore. so the girls went to shop again…this time at cold storage! Shienling is nuts! she bought 12 cans of vanilla coke! u know.. our trolley look like we gonna start a coke shop or something sia cause everyone bought a few cans too. I bought 3 bubblegums for the kids and the butterscotch bread (: which was nice 😀 hahah.
so we bought doughnuts and everything also and waited for eugene’s uncle to drop off our luggage. We finally saw eugene’s uncle but the worst thing was… his uncle’s car kana hit in front of us. Like the front whole thing came out O.o
Yea in the end went up the bus on time and everything and headed back to SINGAPORE.
Bestie’s first bookout and we decided to go bishan park to see xtine for her first day of work. For once, bestie didnt wake up late… but he was still late due to unforeseen circumstances. in the end he met me at KK and we cabbed down together. but I gotta say, I probably got the best bestie in the world since he travelled all the way down from west coast… half blind…. and all. Bald, Black and Half Blind bestie braving and battling the blistering cold and bursting bladder on bus to bishan for brunch on his first book-out. wow, a mouthful of Bs.
Yea… and it felt quite good going out with B for lunch cause 1) we havent met for like forever 2) I like to hear his funny NS story 3) I can act like a bitch about people since he knows me rather well 4)He understands what I’m talking about 5) we have the same ideas 6) I havent laughed so heartily in a long time 7) Light conversations are nice 8) we can say anything we want without feeling super uncomfortable. I experienced number 8 today on a very high level. LOL. but I still adore bestie no less no matter what. (:
We chatted about everyone and everything. Felt kinda nice when someone shares your views about life and… people and… things. And the best part is, you dont even have to say it out. Like there was this part where we just sat there and were like… “you know…” and wy will say “faster think of what we mean! you’re the lit student!” I’m glad we still can read each other’s minds.
and apparently 3H2 As arent enough for this guy here. LOL. and i heard about OCK in NS as well as B’s bunkmates who are epic and cute.
the thing I felt was so true “u orphanage pay…which is nothing… what else u wanna say?!” when we were talking about army pay LOL
After not hanging out fully with the A1-ers and all. I really appreciated such a “light” meeting. It’s hard to explain what I meant by light. but it’s that kind where I dont need to think and analyze and speculate and look deeper into things which makes it super tiring sometimes. I know I’m hanging out with someone who knows me well and knows the person I am. And it’s so good cause he knows he can say anything and tell me the weirdest thing (“we have a problem here…” LOL) so I dont need to over think things. It just feels good lah considering I’ve been frustrated for sometime now. that’s why I super appreciated him taking time off his book out to travel to the other side of singapore to meet me ….
…and trust me with his little secret. LOL
In malaysia while the rest of them took the “Lost city of gold”, Gary and I stayed back and chatted for a bit. He was telling me about how he and his friends ,when they hang out together,will always remain the way they are when they were in secondary school although they’ve matured.
Gary said how it feels weird drinking with his sec school friends cause it felt so “grown up” and they didnt really drink when they were in sec school. It didnt apply to us since we drank when we were still in sec school.
Everyone says when you leave sec school and go on to JC or poly, you get to adopt a new identity. You can be whoever you wanna be. Especially if you’re somewhere no one really knows you.
I thought hard about that and at that moment, I felt like it doesnt really apply to my friends. Or so I thought.
I think it’s cause to me, they’ve not changed and ,to me, I havent changed much either. Or maybe it’s cause I see them on such a regular basis, we’re still growing together.
Well, although I went to CJ where no one knows me, I’m still more or less the same. I’m still the stoner, known for being somewhat blur (although less emphasized in JC) and I’m still the mother-lee.
My friends still remain who they were in sec school. L is still L. AAA is still AAA. Sam still nags. Rach is still the macho pretty lady. wy still the smart ass who sleeps in school. We still speak the same way. (we all speak the same way anyway)
It wasnt yesterday until I realise, yea, we actually have grown and changed. Probably the reason why I still think we are somewhat the same is cause, when we’re together, we act like we’re still 16.
but in reality, we’re not those kids anymore.
After service, I saw Jx sitting in the front of a group and talking so seriously to boys younger than him. He looked so mature and all. It’s so hard to believe he is the same guy who I used to get so annoyed with in sec 3 and the same guy who teased me like we were in sec 4 again a few weeks ago.
Before service, I saw boo and when he said “hey pee!” sounded like when we were in sec 4. but when I looked up, woah. I whispered to someone beside me. “Is it me, or did boo’s shoulder just grow much broader?” while the person (I forgot who) said, no lah, same what… I was like… oh man, zhang da le!
As I looked at them, I thought to myself. Shucks, what am I doing. I thought about service yesterday. I thought about why I didnt stand up to make the commitment when everyone else did. I know I wasnt ready and standing up would probably be just due to peer pressure. The funny thing was that weiling was sitting next to me yesterday and I thought about the time when we had a zone meeting like 1 or 2 years back when my faith faced a drought which was so bad that I refused to even worship and just stood there. I thought about what weiling told me after that after the meeting.
I asked myself yesterday, is this the same as then? I guess probably not. I think it’s just me not wanting to make a promise I cant keep. If I were asked to lay down everything. I know I’m not prepared. It’s like how I cant raise my hands in class when I do not know the answer to the question.
And that’s when I realised that I’ve changed too. As much as I think I havent, I really have. Maybe I’m my core havent changed, but I cannot readily say that I can discuss things with my sec school friends that I discuss with my JC friends and vice versa. I cannot say that I dont act differently around my sec school friends.
But then after thinking about it, I dont think it’s a change. It’s just different aspect of life. Maybe next time when I start working, it’ll be clearer. Your “working personality” and your… “friend personality”?
I used to always think they dont get “it” but now I’m think I’m not one who is not getting “it” anymore.